Christ Has My Hart, Ay

Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.

Where your treasure is , there will your heart be also.

They that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength;

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

Father, glorify thy name .

These verses have meant so much to me lately, and not in that soft comforting way; more like in the hard, pricking, and convicting way! It may be a far stretch for some to see how these all tie in and link together, but I guess for me they’ve just all intermingled to where I see each relying on the other, and the great lack of each of them in in my life!

We all need humbling at times, right? It’s hard when it comes, we hate it, but we all must admit that we need it. Anyway, there was an area of my life that in my own eyes I believed myself to have perfect control. You know I was very different from others in the matter, I regulated it by godly principles, I was just the perfect example for those wandering flounderers. Well, much to the hurting of my pride, I found out that it was all simply due to lack of testing, for when I was tested I was all of a sudden right down there with everyone else, doing the same thing, reacting the same way, just the perfect replica. Well, need I say it didn’t take long at all, before the Holy Spirit just rose up inside of me and started pounding. It wasn’t this quiet little voice inside of me, or maybe it was, and now I’m just feeling really guilty, but it seems that it was more like this hammering and beating ’til I could be found here smashed into the tiniest smitheriens. Guess what He used though, to convict me? His Word. And it was those afore-mentioned texts that the Spirit used in order to do so. He told me that it was all a lack of trust in Him. I wasn’t delighting myself wholly in Him. I wasn’t committing my way wholly unto the Lord. All of my treasure was not in Him, though that’s where I wanted my heart to be. I was not waiting on Him entirely. I was not trusting in the Lord with *all* my heart. I wasn’t acknowledging Him in all my ways. And I was not truthfully seeking for my Father’s name to be glorified in everything. It hurt, and it hurts! I’m utterly ashamed and I still feel crushed. Why do I try to take things that aren’t even mine? Once again, for my own sake, for Christ’s sake, I repeat “Meus Animus in Deus Palma!” All of it, Jesus, and I mean all of it!

Sometimes my little heart can’t understand
What’s in Your will, what’s in Your plan.
So many times I’m tempted to ask You why,
But I can never forget it for long.
Lord, what You do could not be wrong.
So I believe You, even when I must cry.
Do I trust You, Lord?
Does the river flow?
Do I trust You, Lord?
Does the north wind blow?
You can see my heart,
You can read my mind,
And You got to know
That I would rather die
Than to lose my faith
In the One I love.
Do I trust You, Lord?
Do I trust You?

I know the answers, I’ve given them all.
But suddenly now, I feel so small.
Shaken down to the cavity in my soul.
I know the doctrine and theology,
But right now they don’t mean much to me.
This time there’s only one thing I’ve got to know.

Do I trust You, Lord?
Does the robin sing?
Do I trust You, Lord?
Does it rain in spring?
You can see my heart,
You can read my mind,
And You got to know
That I would rather die
Than to lose my faith
In the One I love.
Do I trust You, Lord?
Do I trust You?

I will trust You, Lord, when I don’t know why.
I will trust You, Lord, till the day I die.
I will trust You, Lord, when I’m blind with pain!
You were God before, and You’ll never change.
I will trust You.
I will trust You.
I will trust You, Lord.
I will trust You.

‘Tis Not That I Did Choose Thee
My Lord, I did not choose You,
For that could never be;
My heart would still refuse You,
Had You not chosen me.
You took the sin that stained me,
You cleansed me, made me new;
Of old You have ordained me,
That I should live in You.

Unless Your grace had called me
And taught my opening mind,
The world would have enthralled me,
To heavenly glories blind.
My heart knows none above You;
For Your rich grace I thirst;
I know that if I love You,
You must have loved me first.

As I daily walk this path of life, I come to understand better and better the truth of, “I’m not holding onto Jesus, He’s holding onto me.” Just as He has chosen and redeemed me, well He’s sealed me too! Sealed by the indwelling of the Holy Spirit: an earnest to my inheritance.
Each day I fail miserably in my Christian life, I never seem to miss a count in committing sins of omission, my pride has such a hold upon me that I am forever not willing to submit to Christ’s simple commands, I live in myself, of myself, and for myself. And if it weren’t for one very simple factor, I seriously doubt whether I would be living what some people call a “good life”. It is because of this one truth, that I’ve been able to carry on: “It’s not me. It’s Him.” If it weren’t for the fact that I knew He didn’t end with redemption, I’d be a dead gonner. It wasn’t all that long ago that I sat on my hope chest in front of my window looking out into the dark night’s sky, seeing nothing. I sat there crying out to God. “Why?” time after time, I asked, “am I even bothering to try to serve you? You see me fail big time, constantly. It’s not just this here and there type of thing. I mean, it’s constantly. Why am I even a Christian in the first place? I am of no use to you whatsoever!” I’m not kidding, I was within a hairs-breadth of throwing it all away. It wasn’t until I finally shut up that He spoke. Not in audible words that I could doubt as to whether I heard right, but there inside of me, He told me all. “It’s not you. It’s me.” It was only because of His calling that I had come. It was only because of His love, that I could love in return. And it is only because He lives inside of me, that I can continue life itself.
I absolutely adore the illustration found in Romans 9: I am the lump of clay in the Maker’s hands. You know what though, I’m even more. I’m not just any old lump of clay to be made into any old dumpy vessel. I am a vessel of honor! That’s what it says: a vessel of honor! Molded, crafted, designed by my very dear savior Himself. Made into a vessel of honor! What sweet consolation that brings unspeakable joy! How easy are the trials and hardships borne, when this sweet fragrance settles and is absorbed!

Some song lyrics are simply convicting!!!

You have longed for sweet peace,
And for faith to increase,
And have earnestly, fervently prayed;
But you cannot have rest,
Or be perfectly blest,
Until all on the altar is laid. 

Is your all on the altar of sacrifice laid?
Your heart does the Spirit control?
You can only be blest,
And have peace and sweet rest,
As you yield Him your body and soul.

Would you walk with the Lord,
In the light of His word,
And have peace and contentment alway?
You must do His sweet will,
To be free from all ill,
On the altar your all you must lay.

Oh, we never can know
What the Lord will bestow
Of the blessings for which we have prayed,
Till our body and soul
He doth fully control,
And our all on the altar is laid.

Who can tell all the love
He will send from above,
And how happy our hearts will be made;
Of the fellowship sweet
We shall share at His feet,
When our all on the altar is laid.

Within hours of posting that last post I came across this poem (while reading Emotional Purity: a book I highly reccomend!!!)

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cred; Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied. I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate…and the Master so gently said, “Wait.”

“Wait? You say wait?” my indignant reply. “Lord, I need answers, I need to know why! Is Your hand shortened? Or have You not heard? By faith I have asked, and I’m claiming Your word.

My future and all to which I relate hangs in the balance and You tell me to “Wait?” I’m needing a ‘yes’, a go-ahead sign. Or even a ‘no’, to which I’ll resign.

You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe, We need but to ask, and we shall receive. Lord, I’ve been asking, and this is my cry: I’m weary of asking! I need a reply.

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate as my Master replied again, “Wait.” So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut, and grumbled to God, “So, I’m waiting…for what?”

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine…and He tenderly said, “I could give you a sign. I could shake the heavens and darken the sun. I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

I could give all you seek and pleased you would be. You’d have what you want, but you wouldn’t know Me. You’d not know the depth of My love for each saint. You’d not know the Power that I give to the faint.

You’d not learn to see through the clouds of despair; you’d not learn to trust just by knowing I’m there. You’d not know the joy of resting in Me when darkness and silence are all you can see.

You’d never experience the fullness of love when the peace of My spirit descends like a dove. You would know that I give, and I save, for a start, but you’d not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

The glow of My comfort late into the night, the faith that I give when you walk without sight. The depth that’s beyond getting just what you ask from an infinite God who makes what you have last.

You’d never know should your pain quickly flee, what it means that My grace is sufficient for thee. Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true, but oh, the loss if I lost what I’m doing in you.

So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see that the greatest of gifts is to truly know Me. And though oft My answers seem terribly late, My most precious answer of all is still ‘WAIT’.”

“They that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”

…~`.~`.~`.~`.~`.~`.~`.~.`~`.~`.~…

O that I knew the entire meaning of that small word – wait! But I do. ‘Tis easily defined. Could it be then, that I just know not how to implement it’s very simple self? How great the promise that follows! I, as an eaglet must currently rest in the nest, eating as much as I can, gaining my strength, for I must be ready when I will be taught to fly. Someday I will have wings that will carry me and lift me up; and I will soar o so high!. Due to my waiting He said I will be able to run and not be weary! How glorious! Yet I tend to think that it is while I am soaring above, it is while I am running, it is while I am just walking that I am waiting upon Him. Resting in Him – his guidance – his will. It must not be a one time deal or even a scheduled practice. It must be a continued state of being.

I rest here Jesus,

…waiting.

 What makes a man try to reach for the sky;

climb to heights unsurpassed?

What makes one horse run and race for the sun

while others don’t last?

 Most people get by, but Lord, they don’t try

to be the best that they can.

 They settle for less, then being the best

’cause they don’t understand. 

Great men are dreamers

who see what we can be and not what we are. 

Where are the dreamers

who look at the night time and see only the stars.

This old world needs dreamers

planning their work and working their plan.

Lord, show me a dreamer

and I’ll show you the heart of a great man!

Before the eagle can fly, he sits and looks at the sky

as he conquers his fears.

How wretched he’d be if he wouldn’t be free

’cause of wories and cares.

As your mountains you climb, when its hardest you’ll find

the crest is just out of sight.

When you come to your end, rest and reach up again;

join the eagle in flight.

Today’s culture tells us that pride is wrong. Our children are being discouraged from taking pride in their American blood. They can take no pride in their heritage as they know nothing about it. They are taught that pride is to elevate oneself above another which is hurtful to society. In reality it hurts their communistic ideals for which they are fighting hard. You cannot look at America today without seeing socialistic ideas and principles blatantly displayed. We can no longer rely on speaking our own language; we must speak everyone elses. We cannot lift our country up too highly lest in doing so we appear to degrade another’s. We cannot hold to our beliefs as it may hinder others in their own. We must conform. We cannot be one or the other. We must be both or neither.

However its not simply within the confines of being American citizens. As in so many other areas, it is within the family.

For many years now we’ve had women in the work force. To the point that it has become so excepted, many conclude it as strange for a woman to fulfill her biblical role. And now of course, as the former has destined it to be, we have what we call “stay at home dads”. I don’t know about you, but I call that grotesque! Women aren’t content with their God-given role and neither are men.

The modern man (I use the word loosely – more properly termed “guy”) can be described as a white freckled wimp, disregarding any natural form of masculinity, who bows down and kisses the toe of almighty woman.

Very much unlike the dominating,(1 Tim. 2:13) hard working,(Gen. 2:5,15) masculin,(Prov. 20:29) form of which God intended all men to be.

Likewise, the modern woman is loud, domineering, outside of the home – working, and thus uneducated in being both a wife and mother.

Contrary to the quiet,(1 Pet. 3:4) submissive, (Eph. 5:22) virtuous wife and mother, (Prov. 31:28) that God intended for all women to be.

It takes blind eyes to not see how this has brought about the all to popular disfunctional family.

Worse yet, further up the very same line, we must confront – homosexuals.

You may consider it far fetched. It’s not. It too, just like the afore mentioned, is simply a result of discontenment with their God given state. They take no pride in who they are, who made them, and how they were made.

This is *the* issue, the deepest issue, and where it all begins.

Hopefully we’re content with what gender God made us, and how he made us, but folks, can we do a little better? Can’t we be proud of it?

Men – Can’t you be proud that you’re a man – a strong one, working a job, husband and father(or to be someday)?

Women – Can’t you be proud that you’re a woman, born to be a helpmeet to man, wife and mother(or to be someday)?

The least you can do is take pride in the sovereign God that made you as such!

It is only when the pride sets in that you can work to perfect your character, and model your given biblical role. We don’t even have a fair amount of true men and women in our day and age, it’s not a wonder that gentlemen and ladies are almost extinct!

I’ve thought, “Out of all the men I know, there’s not a one that is godly enough, gentlemanly enough, and enough to my liking, that I could say “yes” too.

You know what though, it just turned right back around on me. I knew that I’m not godly enough, lady enough, or enough to someone’s liking for them to ask! But it’s not a disappointment; not in the least – it’s a challange. I’m “just a young pup yet”, as I’ve been told. I’ve got plenty of time ahead of me! Would to God that it won’t be wasted!

Now, as a note: when I mentioned earlier about pride being taught as wrong, please use it’s surrounding context to discern what pride I’m speaking about. I’m not talking pride in general – self esteem, but essentially a pride in your Creator and Maker.

May I admonish you my dear ladies and gentlemen, Take pride! And be proud of it!

Once before I mentioned that it’s not often that I get to visit other churches. Well, I recently traveled with my sister and brother-in-law to the southland (note my previous post) and on the way back we politely attended church with our host and hostess with whom we had spent the night. I’m not sure exactly what I was expecting, but needless to say I was taken back in utter shock. I knew that here in America all too many believers are in a state of spiritual deadness, but wow; I guess two hours of sitting in the middle of it just made it hit home. Although when relating some of the message to someone else I was laughing so hard I was crying, when I sit down to write this a sort of sick feeling settles in my stomach, and waves of pity flood over me.

So we started out this day of worship in an unofficial committee meeting/over-age sunday school. With coffee and coffee-cake available to those who had not gotten up in time to fully wake their senses, and all scripture for the session printed out for those who had forgotten their Bibles or else neglected to bring them, we began with making plans for a Christmas get-to-gether. Origional plans of going out to eat must be changed as it meant $30 a plate which no one wanted to pay. O and then the day, few would be able to attend if it were on Christmas day so wouldn’t Friday or Saturday work better? But then if it were on Saturday it would have to be cut short in order for enough rest before Sunday services. But of course, Friday might interfere with kid’s basketball. Did anyone know their kid’s schedules? Would they please raise their hands?

And then finally the message. This is where I about lost it. The message was derived from 1 Timothy 4. After rambling through the first three verses with suppositions and propositions we arrived at verse four in which quoting from the text they handed out “For everything created by God is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with gratitude.” Interpretation: “We shouldn’t kick the donkey.” I immediatily pressed the search button in my mind which took me to Baalam. So I waited for the the speaker to corelate the two, but it never came for the next phrase was, ” We shouldn’t hit and kick animals because they are God’s creation and they’re good. Only deranged people do that.” I’m not joking. That’s what he said. My mind almost locked up it took so long trying to process! We went from it being fine for you to hold to whatever diet you feel best, as long as you don’t jucge others by it, to not abusing animals because they’re good. Read 1 Tim. 4:3,4,5, re-read this, and then tell me if you got it! That was just one example from that message.

Then we entered the main auditorium for the morning service. It was there and then that I learned that we serve a thrice holy God (when we sang Holy, Holy, Holy.) I about passed out as we sang Blessed Assurance at an allegro tempo! Listen to it sung southern gospel style just once, and you’ll hate it any other way. It loses all meaning! Anyway…so yeah, of course another message followed. This scripture text was also printed in the bulliten. (And *read* out of the bulliten, by I’m assuming a deacon, prior to the sermon!) We learned about the self-centered Mary who was so caught up in her own selfish grief that she didn’t even recognize the angels or get this – Jesus himself! May I insert a word, please! Show me a Mary in your church! Ok, so there isn’t one; how about anywhere?! She was so focused on Christ she could not leave till she had found him! She didn’t even have her own heart – Christ was in posession of it! Her extreme sorrow was so very far from herself!

Then *ahem* *cough*, along the same line(?) We are often caught up with material things, causing us to forget about people and relationships. We also are alot of times so sorrowed by our trials that we forget they are there for our good. God is faithful and we should be praying “Help me!” O how that ticks me! Will we ever get it out of our heads! – the “Help me” thing! Help me with nothing Jesus! Do your will, and if you see fit to use me in order to do so, I rest here – at your service!

I could go on, and on, but alas…lest I bore you into a different state of deadness, I shall respectfully stop my fingers from typing any further.

So yeah, I had a wonderful Sunday in the midst of fellow believers worshipping Christ and eddifying one another!

Note: I mean no disrespect towards any persons or the church; I feel for them – what they cannot feel.

Now these are a few things I’m in love with
A small part of the reason I go back
To Carolina, Mississsippi, Florida, gorgeous Georgia
Now if you think I’m happy down there you’re on the right track…

You ain’t just whistlin’ Dixie
‘Cause the cattle call’s callin’ me home
So put me down there where I wanna be
Plant my feet with Robert E. Lee
Bury my bones under a cypress tree
And never let me roam.