I do pity you young men who read this blog. It has to be very boring most of the time, as it’s mostly written from a girl to other young women. But then I reckon it’s your problem, if you still follow!
Anyway, here we go again ladies!
In my many and long years here on earth, (jk!) I have come across three different groups of husband-seekers. No, that would be the wrong term, because not all of them can be classified as such. We’ll say women-in-waiting. Does that sound better?
These three groups are: Dreamers, Expecters, and Requirers.
By far, Dreamers boasts the most members. These young women start early, a lot of times while still girls, fantasy dreaming about their wedding, their man, and their future home (they probably don’t even get to the home part, but I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt). They view every male aquaintance as a prospect. They take certain characters and dream up a life with them. They imagine.
Then we have the Requirers: the other extreme. These don’t dream. They are very factual. They have a whole long check list for any man that ever comes along with a mind to court them. Nothing short is acceptable. Whether it be biblical charateristics, good charater traits, or simply female passions, they’re all there. And with a good heart and true mind they trust God to supply this perfect man.
Just as their are always extremes, I am overjoyed to anounce that a few straggling balanced souls can be found in the midst. In this case I believe these to be the Expectors. Unlike the dreamers who have no expectations and the requirers who have all expectations and a little more, these simply have their own expectations sub-catagorized to God’s expectations. They aren’t leaving God out of the deal and they aren’t putting Him in a box either. They know what they’d like to see in their man and they’re confidant that he will posess those traits, yet they know that their expetations do not matter in the long run, because God already has their man set apart. Whether he fits their expectations or not, they know that He will fit the expectations that God has both for him and theirself.
As a side issue, I had heard by more than one person that God has his good, his better, and his best. So when seeking his will, it’s not like a dot on the page. His will is the page, and then like a target we have bulls eye and everything short of it. I applied this theology to the subject of discerning your future mate and needless to say, I found myself very troubled. I decided that if this belief was true, I would never be able to say “yes” to any man, because I would never know if he was God’s best. What would it be like to give yourself to a man your whole life long and inevitably wonder the entire time if someone better was waiting right out of reach and you missed your chance? As I learned to trust Christ in every area, this one came right along with all the rest. I am no longer troubled, and I’m not worried, because I know that God has my man, *the* man, 😉 stowed away somewhere, waiting for His perfect timing.
Now with this arises another issue, one of which I myself am not quite settled yet (can you believe it?!). Does this apply to the man as well, or is He to follow Bible customs of going out and seeking a wife? Is he to sit back and wait for God to bring His best into his life, or is he to go find her. If he is to go find her, does not it simply enact the typical dating method? Is it lack of initiative in playing the man’s role the other way around?
So maybe the men folk do play into this. 🙂
Just a little food for thought and bit of provocation to the mind.
Slamdunk said:
As a guy (ok maybe not young), I have learned plenty from your posts–they transcend audiences well.
I had always doubted that about God’s timing until I was punched in the stomach with an example. I had tried and not had good experiences with dating right after undergrad. After some discouragement, I decided to stop trying and focus on my relationship with Him.
Within a year, I met my future wife indirectly by walking my dog. It was ironic since she is not really a dog-person anyway.
liberty~little reb said:
Thanks for the insight, Slamdunk. That’s the side I’ve heard most my life, but I like to hear first hand accounts.
kate said:
one question, lyd. Which one am i??? =)
honestly though, I think you’re very right. Good thinkin’.
BSBT said:
Good post.
Just thought I’d add my thought to your last bit about the guys. =]
Aren’t you glad we get the easy part?!
We can just sit back and wait on God to work….
But do we girls?
It’s harder then it seems.
Lil said:
I don’t know BSBT. I think is is harder. In some ways.
Lyds I love this-(straggling balanced souls can be found in the midst.)
frieda said:
love the post….
and the conversations it brought today. smiles.
I agree, beth….I’d so much rather do the waiting.
Now, it would be foolishness to say that all girls are
there, but thankfully, that place can be claimed by
any girl who really wants to be there.
Why waiste the only totally carefree time in your life
worrying about something that no matter how hard u
worry about it, it won’t change the future anyway?!
and all girls say *aaaamen* ????? 😉
Anna Joy said:
Amen, Pastor Frieda.
I had quite the long comment written out and then I realized that my overly-tired rambling wouldn’t make sense to anybody except maybe Bethany who’s always good at knowing what I’m trying to say. So…if I get time I’ll try to comment later when I’m a bit more lucid. 😉
Rhonda said:
I read this post before there were any comments. I keep checking back for more comments. There has been more comments on this post than any for a while! 🙂
Rhonda said:
Oh, and I have to say one thing for now. I am so thankful that it says “Good, acceptable AND perfect will of God.” I know that my God is far too big and powerful to let me settle for the “good” when He has “best” out there for me. His will will be done. I am confident in that. And ever so thankful for it!
frieda said:
I look at the things that we’ve
been talking about pretty soberly. These
issues can eithers make or break a girl
in her ‘girlish years’. Oh to find the right
balance and to stay there.
And if it sounds like I know everything,
you can be reassured that I don’t, by coming
to visit me at work at about 10:00 tomorrow
morning after working since about five a.m.
and if one of you should do so, you would find
me a state of not being
able to talk two words of sense.
*sighs*. i’m already tired of smelling cinnamon rolls
just thinking about it. 😉
little miss pastoress (ahem kitty!)
Lil said:
frieda, I agree with your first post.
frieda said:
thanks lil….
one person calls me a pastor, the next agrees with me. I think I know which one encouraged me the most.
*smiles*
you know, life is short. let’s not waste it.
Teresa said:
thanx so much for sharing your heart Lyd….I have hashed this issue out in my mind so many times already, and yet its always good 4 me to ‘rethink’ things like this. I don’t know about any of the rest of you- but I have found myself in all 3 categories at various times in my short and immature life. I do know how it feels to be a dreamer, definitly not what I call a ‘whatever-is-pure’ thought life. I know how to be a ‘requirer’ esp. toward guys I don’t naturally like( gulp) and lastly but absolutely not least, I know how it feels to overcome all that, and to be totally worry-free- knowing that when God sees that I can serve Him better w/ another guy in my life,( which, after all won’t be for years yet cuz I AM still very ‘little’ and immature)then He will bring THE GUY into the picture. And 4 now I can treat ‘them’ all as my brothers instead of prospects, knowing God also has a plan for each one of them, and that I don’t want my future husband to have a crush on 52 diferent s before me.
sorry bout the long comment, I do hope I didn’t bore too many of u.
ss tt or whatever... said:
I must echo Slamdunk’s “As a guy (ok maybe not young), I have learned plenty from your posts–they transcend audiences well.”
Accept that I am young…
I totally agree with the post, being in that middle ground of “Expectors” is very important. (helps us guys out a lot)
In a perfect world (guys should be “Expectors” too) guys have it much harder. Girls don’t have to do a thing (only wait) but guys have to wait and have to pass the “Her dad” test(s).
Waiting is a pain, but that “Good, acceptable AND perfect will of God.” is always worth it, right Rhonda?
Now where did I put that Ludy book…..
Rhonda said:
As for God, his way is perfect: the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all those that trust in him. Ps. 18:30. So, even though I don’t have personal experience in the marriage part of this, I can definitely say it is worth it. After all, it is perfect!
JoDee Luna said:
I found your blog post fascinating and do have a few thoughts on the subject. I met my first husband while serving as a missionary overseas. Our courtship and marriage was spiritualized without sufficient counseling needed to build a sturdy foundation. He was an international leader and we served together on the mission field, led evangelistic teams to countries around the world, church planted stateside, and returned to the mission field with our two children. Although I will not go into the devastating details, suffice to say betrayal and dysfunction ended our marriage.
I never wanted to trust another man again but a wise and Godly mentor instructed me to create a list of what I valued in a future husband. I finally obliged and listed openness, honesty, and trust at the top. I also wanted someone willing to self-reflect and to negotiate differences.
After eight years, I remarried. My second husband may not lead ministries, eloquently quote scriptures, nor preach to thousands. Yet, when I share the miracle of a student learning to read, his eyes mist and he patiently listens. I learned that “Man looks at the outside but God looks into the heart.” Listen to what a man does and not to what he promises you! Watch how he treats others…especially his mother!
liberty-littlereb said:
Thanks sooooo much for the testimony, JoDee!
Most every time I look around, I decide I don’t want to get married: because of stories like your first marriage. But then when I consider that if God picks my partner, I think can.
Thanks again. Itself wonderful to hear insight from my readers.
Hannah Elliott said:
I wondered about the issues brought up in this post for a long time until my now husband asked my father for permission to court me. I wasn’t looking, and he wasn’t looking, yet God brought us together. I believe that if a girl is truly seeking Christ in her life and is willingly under her God-given authority, her heavenly Father will show her his PERFECT will clearly. I can’t describe exactly “how”, but even though I fought the idea, God showed me so distinctly that Tony was the man he made for me. All that to say, if you are truly seeking God’s will for your life, He will bring the right man into your life and show you clearly that it is His will.
Excellent post on dreamers, expectors, and requirers! Love ya sis!
Gabrielle said:
Yes,I’m with the waiting group.My family have often spoke about marriage and finding a husband.It bugs me so much. It’s in God’s hands,so why worry about it?
He already has ‘him’ picked out for me, and I’m not worried about it at all,I’m happy to say! I have too many other things in my life right now to worry about that kind of stuff.Eeeck!
Thanks for the post,Lydia!! 🙂
sanctifiedbychrist said:
I was looking through this post and thought I would share some things. I believe first and foremost that God has always intended us to walk by faith from the beginning back to Adam and Eve. As the man or woman seeks to know God love Christ and obey the Spirit when he decides it is time he will allow you to meet that someone you have anticipated and prayed for. Faith is obedience in action. In my experience waiting only fostered a stagnate reality where I was waiting God to bring that special person to me. It wasn’t till I fell in love with Jesus and became sold out for him that he spoke to me and told me who that person was. Not an attitude you can instigate but a state of mind through which you relate to God and those around you. Also if you see everyone as a prospect for yourself you become selfish and cannot then deal with that person or persons with purity and dignity. He is the rewarder of them who diligently seek him. If the person we are to marry was something we were supposed to seek out God would have given clear steps in his word. Faith to faith. Great post. Reveals a mind that thinks about something deeper than the weather. God bless. 🙂
liberty~little reb said:
Very well said, and thanks for bringing up the “waiting” aspect. You’re absolutely right in that waiting doesn’t do it either (it’s rather humbling for me to go back through the archives, but it’s such a good reminder as to how the Lord works in His children’s lives!). What God desires and expects from each of us is for every individual (child of His) to totally and entirely fall in love with Him, and then there’s no other factor – such as a mate – to deal with. When Christ is all sufficient there’s no need for anything more! Now, He may bring that special person along as an added blessing in our lives, but regardless of whether He does or not, there’s no anticipation or waiting (which essentially holds a part of us back from Him).
*Side note: this is reminding me why I used to write so much. It’s the best way for me to preach at myself – I actually get it when it’s in written form and not just in my head!
sanctifiedbychrist said:
God is good: All the time. :). He is always teaching and we are always learning. If we’re willing.