I don’t even know where to begin. I’m sitting here on my bed – dead tired. I’m listening to a sermon on a controversial subject – confused. I want to write – but I don’t know how. This has been on my mind for a while now, at least a week anyway. And I keep meaning to sit down and write, but I just haven’t been able to. After being knocked on my knees more than a couple weeks ago, I didn’t think I could and should write anything else of my own for this blog, but then after careful consideration I’ve decided to continue. I thought aforetime, that writing my heart and mind was hard…ha! Can’t compare to the present!
It was first brought up when my sister and I were preparing for a book study that we’ve been holding, which it hit hard when brought up in the study and never really left my mind, but then it was brought up again in a conversation with Mama almost a week later, and then it hit again.
So the idea is, encouraging young men (in my case, my brothers) in such ways as will make them into true men – men after God’s own heart. Although some see me as quite the independent little figure, submission has always come fairly easily to me. Maybe it’s because I have quite the opposite from a “command man” for my father, but I don’t think that’s the case because any boy/man superior in age to me, I respect; at least to the degree of recognizing their position in authority over me. If I could recognize a position of authority, not a problem would I encounter. But here’s where my problem lies. Young men who are younger than myself. Now this creates quite the problem since the only boys left at home are younger than me. When my older brother was still around, I had to beg him at times to make the decisions instead of leaving them up to me. But I don’t think it ever once crossed my mind, up till recently, that I always make the decisions when with my other brothers. I always take charge. I am the authoritative figure. Maybe randomly the thought would fly by “Give him some room”, but then I would always answer with “I’m responsible. I don’t trust his decision.” However, when the Lord convicted me, I realized what a detriment I’ve been to them. Not only have I failed in womanly virtue, but I have hindered them in their own growth. Here I am complaining about the lack of true men of honor, and what am I doing? Quenching the very prospects!
I remain on my knees.