Word of God Speak, would you pour down like rain
Giving my eyes to see your Majesty
To be still and know that you’re in this place
Please let me stay and rest in your holiness
Word of God speak!
Every time I hear that song, everything within me wells up and cries for true understanding of those words. My soul communes and pleads with its creator for experience of that reality, and my mind hushes all else in hope of a quiet but clear response.
However, no more true here than anywhere else are the words, “my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord”. Though I knew to ‘Be still and know that I am God’, no plan or clear direction was laid out. Though He demonstrated that as heavy as the rainfall may be, the sun never stops shining, there still was no process given to me, not even a first step. Though somehow I know, though I don’t know how, that He will lead me through that plan, that process, those steps, I know that I don’t need to know. He knows and that’s all that matters. Trust. Just blatant, blind trust. My soul says “No!” my heart cries “No!” my mind screams “No!” But something within says “Yes”. Ceaselessly, my being is constantly fighting, battling, struggling with another force. It’s not difficult to perceive, so obvious is it, as one against the other quarrels “Yes” “No” “Yes” “No”. When yourself is alone, it is no more clear than then. You can sense it, can hear it, you can feel it. So forward is the battle, its truth and reality cannot be mistaken. My will vs. His will. My flesh vs. the Divine. I will vs. the I am. Often I cry out in my earthly terms, “God! Why is it so stinkin’ hard?” And He just chuckles and says yet again “Trust”.
I’m learning to trust although it’s slow going and often intermitted with utter failure, but it’s happening and for me that’s enough. God’s amazing, always, indefinitely, with no derth, but I find him especially fascinating in His work in His children. He never gives us the full blast with no training or preparation. So careful is He to teach us how to swim and how to float that when the bridge is suddenly washed out from under us, though initially we may panic, gradually we gain our senses and rely back on what we have already learned. Often times, that training is to us but bothersome interferences with our agenda that only serve to make our lives more miserable, but to God it is precious and quality time invested in us to the refining of our vessel.
I don’t know if I’ve posted this poem before, but when I came across it while sorting through old files on a backup hard drive, it was such a wonderful reminder, and of course as always with God it was perfect timing!
Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, “Wait.”
“Wait? you say wait?” my indignant reply.
“Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I’m claiming your Word.
“My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I’m needing a ‘yes’, a go-ahead sign,
Or even a ‘no’ to which I can resign.
“You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I’ve been asking, and this is my cry:
I’m weary of asking! I need a reply.”
Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, “Wait.”
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, “So, I’m waiting for what?”
He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, “I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.
“I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You’d have what you want, but you wouldn’t know Me.
You’d not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You’d not know the power that I give to the faint.
“You’d not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You’d not learn to trust just by knowing I’m there.
You’d not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.
“You’d never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you’d not know the depth of the beat of My heart.
“The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that’s beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.
“You’d never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I’m doing in you.
“So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait.”